I've Never Seen Rachel Ray Serve This

Nelson and JC (my colleagues in Hong Kong) met me at the Hotel at 8 AM. We took a taxi to the High Speed Rail for our trip to see a key supplier. The High Speed Train zips along at about 300 miles an hour through the Taiwanese countryside. Factory, then Temple, then Farm, then Rice Paddy, then Apartment building… these people have never heard of zoning.

Our supplier, SBI, gave their entire day over to us. We watched them run Ash colored material, then coat the adhesive on the backside of some Snow hued film. At around noon, their Director, brought us in some box lunches. Not exactly sandwiches from Panera. I lifted the cover and found most of the space filled with a whole dried fish. The poor creature’s baleful eyes looked up at me so pitifully, that I had to set him aside with a piece of kelp over its face. I ate a few tiny morsels of what I think was beef (don’t tell me otherwise, okay?) and the steamed rice was fine. But you gotta try to be a little adventurous, and so I snapped up a pinkish disk between my chopsticks and asked JC what I was about to ingest. “Octopus” he replied matter of factly. Then he clarified himself with, “Well Octopus tentacles”, like he was worried that I’d think the head was too gross but the tentacles are as ordinary as French fries or something. To be truthful, it wasn’t very tasty, kind of chewy, and yet oddly still more appealing that the little brown guppy cowering nearby under the seaweed.

We returned to Taipei in a warm rain. I wanted to meet Nelson’s staff, and so we went to the Simeb Taiwan Sales Office. There I greeted Peter and Lisa warmly.

They were anxious to treat me well and to that end Nelson had made a reservation for all of us at a nearby, very swanky Taiwanese Steakhouse. We walked down the street, all the while Peter was scampering alongside of me, trying desperately to keep me covered with his umbrella. Man, a fella could get used to this sort of treatment! The meal was wonderful and arrived in several courses. They were amused to watch me nibble on some yellow, vaguely familiar fruit. “Do you know what that is?” “Nope”, I answered. “It’s watermelon”. “You’re kidding!” I said amazed. Apparently this sun-colored watermelon is unique to Taiwan. It tasted like the real thing, seeds and all. Next, I dipped my spoon into a split Kiwi, and teased them with, “And I suppose this is an orange”. Everyone laughed which was a great relief. Between the language barrier and my somewhat unique sense of humor, I worry that I'm acting like any other American boor